i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
