thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
