K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize