bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
