I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
