I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
