The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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