He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
