I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
pop tarts are not kleenex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
