Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
