So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
