I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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