My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
