you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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