I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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