benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize