Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
