Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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