sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
