ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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