May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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