covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
