..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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