dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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