I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
