her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
