Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
