I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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