so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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