its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
