guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize