I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
