You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
