found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
