It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
