maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
