you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
only if we run a train.
done.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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