it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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