she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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