If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
