You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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