I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
not ubering you a puppy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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