toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
