Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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