We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
