His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
