apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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