I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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