Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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