under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I know her cup size but not her name....
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