2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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