Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
