This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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