i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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