I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
