I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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