dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
