I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
