Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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