this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
zippers are such a cool invention
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
