im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
