Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
