We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
