Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come on in and take your pants off
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