I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize