you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
