No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
