I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
