Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
