Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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