i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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