It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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