One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize