Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
