She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
