You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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