you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
