The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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