wakey wakey hands off snakey
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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