we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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