things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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