when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
