that's an acceptable place to lick
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
