Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
