I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
