i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
