Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
