Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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