between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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