I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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