oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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