The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize