so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
