shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
