I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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