My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
