Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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