I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
