It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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