i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
