Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
