p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
