I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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