you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
