Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
