Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
