It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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