Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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